The world was upside down. With a recent important string of events, Ian found himself in solitude. Most (if not all) of the people he cared about had been running around like headless chickens trying to get various things done, some in questionable manners, and it left the so called 'relentlessly optimistic' boy in a conundrum. When he tried to help any of them out he'd be told off, and when he stayed on his lonesome, as he was that day, he felt like his existence was null and void. To not help someone out was to let himself think of the sin that was his life, and it tore a gaping wound into his already fragile state of mind.
He needed an escape. Korrowi Creek. Ian was more of the urban sort, but his feet dragged him deep into the Murrigal Bushland right up until the running waters tearing through it. Removing his shoes and socks, he sat down by the shore and pulled his pants' legs up to his knees, folding the ends carefully each time. His legs were then dipped in the icy cold waters of the creek - while to many that would be a bad thing to do at that time of the year, his Dhampiric nature made it so he relished in cold temperatures and it took considerably more to make his limbs go numb and freeze.
The simple action felt oddly energetic, if antithetical to his current mindset. How did something that appealed to his nature re-energized someone whom had no right to such a thing so much? He didn't understand it at all, but after the initial dip, he was tempted to dive into his own needs much further. It was wrong, and he shouldn't do that, yet temptation was truly a cruel mistress; he wound up retrieving the pendant perpetually hidden under his shirt, holding it in the palm of his right hand while balancing his weight on the cool grass below with his left one.
It was the only possession he had of his late mother, the only thing he had to remember her (and any other family member) by. He had never allowed himself to grieve the woman, or his father, or even his own brother; but for a moment, just that one moment, he wished that pendant was a locket. He wished to have it so if he were to open it, he would see a picture of those whom were forced to leave him and his sister behind - just so that, during those brief glances that he would've given it, he could feel the illusion of an unbreakable bond with the bunch, as if they were right beside him.
It was selfish, he realized. But, for as much as he didn't want to admit it, for as much as he didn't want to dwell on it and wanted to shove it down, it was there and there wasn't much he could do about it. He couldn't even visit their graves - there weren't any to begin with, their bodies having been lost in the borderline war zone and likely retrieved by the Ministry instead of being given a proper burial. Even if there were, it was probably a bad idea to have May Apparate him to their premises given the bloodshed they had left behind, and the fact that, as far as that specific Dhampir community was concerned, Ian didn't exist anymore.
He closed his eyes and shook his head momentarily as his flawed mindset fought for supremacy, and, to an extent, won: he closed his palm around the pendant quite tightly for a few brief seconds before shoving it back where it had once been, and focusing his gaze on the running water instead, senses dulled to all that was happening around him.
'...I was right, I need a distraction...'