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Katherine Belmont

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  • Status Counter 4
  • IC Post Count 21
  • Playerx Sadrienne
  • Char DOB Man
  • Char PB Tina Fey
  • Char RAC Human
  • Char-Job Headmistress - Penrose
  • Birthdate Day 13
  • Birthdate Month 10
  • Birthdate Year 1969
  • Unknown Age
  1. Invite Old Time Rock and Roll

    Kate threw back her head with a loud groan. "Ugh, you're one of those!" she exclaimed, rolling her fingers together as if she were making an invisible cigarette. She'd never had the patience for rollies. When Kate wanted a cigarette, she wanted two and both of them ten minutes ago. Kate had also never had the financial constraints that drove most to rolling their own. She didn't really understand it. Her fingers drummed impatiently along the counter as she watched the man form the cigarette. They would have to go outside, though, she she prepared herself by sliding down off the bar stool and hanging her bag over one shoulder. Drunk as she clearly was, Kate did seem at least possessed of most of her faculties. She could stand up straight, walk with relative ease, and though she was louder and more free than she otherwise might be, she was in control. That control just happened to have a destructive streak a mile wide, the alcohol had done little more than to amplify her frustrations at the world and how much she did not care to be perfect tonight. "I keep giving up. I know it's bad. I don't need it, but I do. I am so tired, you know. Tired of having to keep my shit together so that no one else falls apart. Tired of pretending that I don't have things that I want, or need, or even just bloody like, because god forbid I might be human." she waited with a hand on her hip, staring intently at the cigarette progress. "Can I tell you a secret?" she didn't wait for a reply. "I have spent years. Almost six years. Being perfect. In the hopes that everything would get better, and miracles would happen, and I would be rewarded with my life back. Guess what. The miracle did happen, and I am still dead inside. I am still waiting, and I don't even know what I'm waiting for anymore." A cigarette, supposedly, but Kate wasn't about to let logic in the way of her aimless ranting. "I mean I shouldn't have let them get me to this state, but I wanted them to. For one night, I just want to be alive."
  2. Invite Old Time Rock and Roll

    Kate's lopsided grin only widened when he ordered her yet another drink. This man was going to be a terrible influence, she knew that. Kate had a gift for finding those sorts of people, she gravitated toward them like moths to a light. The Penrose staff uniform really wasn't so different to what the students wore---and Kate could almost feel her sixteen year old self returning. Rebellious after Calinda passed, and out to shatter her father's dreams for what she could be. The end of the golden child. The beginning of Kate really living her life. She licked her lips, accepting the fresh glass. "Well---no, it's boring," Kate sighed, completely missing the point of this dangerously flirty talk. "I hate it. I hate it more than the students. Who wants to be stuck in a room with moody teenage girls that did the wrong thing? Not me." she wagged a finger at Ash with great emphasis. That's what the kids always forgot when they got themselves in trouble. That some poor teacher would have to take time out of their afternoon delivering punishment. It wasn't fair. "They won't let me whip the kids," she added with a frown. "I'm barely allowed to fail the buggers." Kate sometimes felt bad for the teachers she'd had. Keeping her under control had been difficult, with her tendency to slip out of the school to go see a particular bad influence at the time who just happened to be attending VMU. Gods but her parents had hated Alan for that. Which... as a parent now, Kate could understand. If Hazel made half of the bad decisions Kate had, Kate wasn't sure her heart would survive the anxiety. Still. That was neither here nor there, now. It had been a long time since Kate had been that reckless, and she felt like it was time. To make some very terrible decisions. She wanted to feel alive again. She had a craving. "You don't happen to have a cigarette I could bum, do you?" she asked, an eyebrow raised as she tried not to fall off the bar stool.
  3. Invite Old Time Rock and Roll

    It had started... when had it started? Kate swung on a bar stool and tried to remember. The staffroom, yes. Lanelle. Lanelle had been talking. No--no Kate had been talking. About end of year plans, and what colour the decorations for the graduation ceremony should be. Whether they should have the invitations hand written by an expert calligrapher, or done by a spell. Kate preferred the former, you could always tell when it was done properly, but Lanelle had cut across all of that. She was stalling. Lanelle could tell she was stalling. Kate didn't want to go home. Lanelle didn't want to do more work. Lanelle suggested a "girl's night". Kate wasn't sure, but the others liked Lanelle and joined the chorus. There had been chanting. Kate decided a quick drink couldn't hurt. There had been one, two.. too many quick drinks. They appeared in her hand like magic. Lanelle and the others tried to tell her what they were called and contained, but she remembered none of that. They were funny colours and tastes. Some made her see stars. All of them had been strong. There had been dancing, or at least--Kate had been dancing. Her hair had come out of the pony tail. She had lost her blazer somewhere. Kate still wasn't sure how she'd ended up swinging on this bar stool, alone. Vaguely she remembered Lanelle saying they would "be right back", but how long ago had that been? Days? It wasn't even midnight. Kate slapped at her own cheek, giggling when she realised how numb and buzzy it was. She wondered if this was how Matt felt with the limbs that didn't work right yet. Stupid Matt and his stupid grumpiness. She turned her head as someone finally joined her at the dingiest muggle bar she'd ever been to, both eyebrows raised and a laugh on her lips. "A bottle?" she echoed. "Someone's planning on being naughty tonight!" Kate wagged a finger with a "tut-tut". Even with her uniform in disarray, she managed the teacher look quite well. "Am I gonna have to give you detention?"
  4. if i tell myself

    Right. So this was going to happen. It was happening. Now. It was happening right now. Kate pushed her lips up into a smile, hoping it didn't look too forced. Introduce her inappropriate crush to her husband? Who wouldn't be thrilled? She got the sense that Boaz was being polite in his acceptance, too. Great. Neither of them wanted to do this, but they had polited themselves into it. Wonderful. That smile fixed on her face, she led Boaz through the milling people to Matt's table. It seemed that Alan had taken up talking to some young thing (really? Didn't he have a young thing of his very own these days?) and Marie was trying to keep track of her various grandchildren. Kate was vaguely aware of Hazel's giggles among the noise, the kids were playing a game of sorts. "Hey," Kate spoke up as she nudged her way to Matt's side, displacing Emily who was in the process of cutting up Matt's food into smaller portions. Really? "That's... not necessary," she murmured, taking the knife and fork from Ems's fingers and passing them back to Matt. Matt scowled, stabbing a piece of broccoli with the fork. "I told her that, and she wouldn't listen," he grumped. "None of you bloody listen, I'm not a damned child. Just because I need a little assistance getting up and down the stars, that does not make me an invalid!" Yet it was clear that even this mild of an outburst was taxing him. He finished the sentence almost winded, and the fingers that gripped the fork in irritation were thin and bony. "I know, babe---I'm sorry, we---" "Sorry? You're the bloody worst for it, Katherine." Matt huffed. "I told you I didn't want any fuss like this, I told you I could make it to bed myself, I told you there was no need to be staying home like you are. I don't need you hanging around like---" "Matthew." Kate cut across him, every word inflaming the worry she held close to her heart. But her response showed none of that. It was her Teacher Voice, sharp and commanding. She was still afraid of everything they might no longer be, but in this exact moment, she was done with his shit. "Can you just stop for one minute." the smile was back, visibly forced and strained at the edges. Matt fell silent. "This is Boaz Izem," she continued, the steel in her voice unwavering, daring Matt to make another complaint. "Hazel's teacher." "Huh." Matt's gaze flicked over Boaz, expression difficult to read on his thin face. "Not what I expected, from her stories."
  5. if i tell myself

    Kate stared at Boaz as though he'd grown three extra arms and a tail. The drink almost to her lips, it sat there frozen as she went over his suggestion in her mind. Once. Twice. Three times. Each time it threw her back into that catatonic state of wonder: why had no one thought of that yet? "Get someone actually qualified to care for him," she said once her ability to speak had returned. "Someone who doesn't care if their relationship is destroyed by the time everything is better. Someone who hasn't got so much to lose." it was like a light brightened inside her, rays of hope that dared her to believe that if he could just divert his frustrations to another person, maybe he would be able to see her as Kate again. As his friend, his wife. That is. If he could still see her that way. If he wanted to. There was a distinct possibility that Kate shoved to the side, that hiring someone to care for Matt would take away the only place she had in his life right now. She supposed it would be a faster track to "normality" between them, if it could be achieved at all. This current situation wasn't helping anything. After so many years of waiting, what they needed now was distance. It was frustrating. "I never even thought of it," she admitted with a slight blush. She felt a little stupid for that. It was so obvious when you thought about it, an answer that had been staring her in the face all along. Sure, it would cost a bit---but her salary would cover it. And she would be able to work properly with someone around full time. Just the idea made her relax a little, though the prospect of discussing it with Matt himself wasn't appealing. He'd hated having the nurses fuss over him, he wasn't likely to enjoy a new intruder to their life. Too bad. She needed this. They needed this. "Would you like to meet him?" the question fell out before she could hold it back. "You've heard so much about him, and you are Hazel's teacher, he's heard a lot about you..." and yet there was that tiny bit of her that didn't want these particular forces in her life to meet. She wasn't sure why. But she had offered now, and she had to stick with it. Besides, Hazel was unlikely to pass up a chance to do the same. It would have to happen eventually.
  6. if i tell myself

    So Emily hadn't taken long at all to resume her fawning over Matt. That in itself wasn't a surprise, but what did surprise Kate was the sense of relief that sat underneath her initial irritation. Let him be mad at her, let her be the one who had to choose to keep holding him upright even as he berated her for doing it "wrong". Let Emily be there for every moment, every little thing, every complaint and ache and need, and let Emily be the one who got nothing back. The hand holding her glass had curled tighter, knuckles whitening with the pressure. Kate knew she couldn't expect much from him yet. Coming back to his body was an overwhelming experience, but at the very least she had hoped for... what? Acknowledgement that she wasn't his nurse? For him to just occasionally reach out and take her hand, not to get her attention---but to hold it? A smile on his face when he said her name? Anything. A tiny, miniscule scrap of affection. Just something to prove that he wasn't so completely wrapped up in his inability to look after himself that he couldn't see her too. "I put my life on hold and waited for him," she said after a long pause, her voice cracking down the middle. "It can't have been for nothing. But at the same time, it's... I don't know. He won't even talk to me. Doesn't ask how my day was. He keeps himself so separate from me, if he didn't snore so bloody loud I'd think I still had the bed to myself. Stupid me thought it would be enough just having him there to come home to, but... it's not. How he's talking to Ems right now, how he's looking at her... that's exactly what he gives me too. Like I'm not special to him, I'm just... there."
  7. if i tell myself

    Kate's lips turned up in a wry half-smile. Independent? Yes, Matt was definitely an independent sort. His life hadn't been an easy one, it was the sort of life that either pushed you into resilience or ate you alive. Matt was a survivor of his own existence, and he'd had his ways set long before Kate became a close part of it. Their relationship was so unexpected even just for that: neither seemed to really need anything from others. Kate had married her ex-husband for social reasons, and then ignored him. "I know," she said softly. "I know." And she had her own frustrations to counter, too. Everything had built up to this wonderful moment when he finally woke up, and then... Kate wasn't sure if things were actually better now, or worse. Possibly worse, and admitting that to herself was sickening. Even when she told herself it was temporary, that this was the hardest part, she still felt like she was being ungrateful for this chance. She missed him as he had been before the accident, it was hard to accept that the angry figure in the wheelchair was him. Or would be again, in time. "I hope it's there, I---" she paused, Phil tapping her on the shoulder with a fresh drink. A strong one. Since Matt's return, he'd been so much nicer to her. Even Mish was cutting her some slack. Any time Matt came down to the bar, they saw first-hand how difficult he could be. Phil had caught her outside once, trying to hide the fact she was crying. Kate had been mortified, but it seemed that Phil had worded up the staff to look after her from then on. She appreciated it. "Thank you," Kate nodded and Phil disappeared back to the bar. "I worry that we won't fit together like we used to," she murmured. "That maybe I waited for something that was slipping away the whole time. Or this point here, where he needs me for every little thing, this is what will drive us apart." Kate turned her head back to watch Matt grumping as Emily Burdett fussed over him. Ugh. Really? Kate's lips were thin and tight as she turned her attention back to Boaz. "Becareful with offers like that," she said. "You might see more of me than you like." Kate paused. "... Not... not like that, though."
  8. if i tell myself

    "Well, there's that," Kate nodded. They were definitely an unlikely pair, especially given that Kate was not known to be kind to people who were different in the way that Boaz was different. She'd been raised that way and never really fought the impulse until it fought her. After all, she hadn't been known for being kind to Matt before they became a couple. Or even Alan most of the time, and that was purely for their status as public school educated country boys. They didn't have a single tattoo between them. Alan had tried... once. That had been hilarious. Boaz was definitely the sort of man that would spin her father into a direct heart attack. She did like that about him. "It's actually a relief when I get to go to work and only have to worry about my entire staff being miserable bitches," she said with a half-smile. "Somehow, he's worse than all of them put together. He doesn't take it out on Hazel though, so that's something." Kate definitely couldn't be unhappy about how Matt and Hazel had bonded since he came home. He lamented, as Kate did, his child's wild and chaotic ways---and she knew he hated not being able to do anything for Hazel in his current state. But they often curled up to read together, share secrets in hushed tones, and produce abstract pieces of art with paint and dried pasta. "He doesn't like having to rely on me," she murmured. "He was caring for his mum when he was not much older than H, he probably would have been stubbornly independent anyway, though. If the situations were reversed, I... I honestly don't know how I'd be. Calinda was the independent one in our family. Always did her own thing. Frustrated Daddy to no end. Maybe she is where Hazel gets that from."
  9. if i tell myself

    The handshake made Kate smile. Hazel had tried to teach her---and failed miserably, before they both decided that it was "probably just a school thing anyway". The nickname was also appropriate. Hazel had never been one for a small group of close friends, she flitted in and around other groups. It worried her sometimes that this was more about Hazel not fitting into any one group, that she didn't have a place of her own to stay. Slowly she'd come to realise that Hazel just loved everyone, and went with who the day took her to. Hazel didn't want or need a small group that was her own, she was quite content to be part of it all on a larger scale. A butterfly, gracing each flower in turn. And that was where she and Hazel greatly differed. As Boaz said the word "friend", a gentle glow pulsed in her chest. To have some so openly, so casually say that word was... it felt more magical than magic to her. She felt that need to be part of a community, to belong and have more than just allies and enemies. Kate had always felt it, even though that wasn't how she had been raised. She had always longed for things like casual coffee outings, meaningless conversations deep into the night, and the very real security of knowing that there was someone out there who would support you even if it wasn't to their advantage. Kate had very few of those in her life. She was not very successful in making them. She had been asked to leave several mothers' groups after Hazel was born, as each one apparently found her too abrasive and judgemental. And she was. She did know that. She was learning. Boaz was a big win for her socially. "Thank you," she said. "I do appreciate you coming here. It's... yeah. A miracle. But no one tells you about the work that comes after the miracle," she said wryly, before stopping herself. "I shouldn't complain, it should be enough that he's home. We're very happy. Yes... very happy."
  10. if i tell myself

    Kate was tired. Curls fell loose from a less-than-perfect bun, she'd forgotten to put in earrings. It wasn't the sharp image she usually projected, but---messy chic was a thing, wasn't it? Kate wasn't sure she even cared at this point. Having Matt back was wonderful, but it was also work. A lot of work. Her daydreams that everything would quickly go back to how it had been vanished the day he came home, when she found herself suddenly the full-time carer of a very frustrated and irritable adult man. She couldn't blame him. He had to re-learn so many basic things, his body needed time to build the strength it had lost. Stuck in a wheelchair and unable to do anything for himself, he got angry fast. Even the idea of the party hadn't done much to alleviate his irritability. What was the point, he said, if he couldn't tend the bar? Why were they celebrating a man who couldn't do anything? He was at a table now, having demanded that she bring him down and have him seated before anyone arrived to see him handled into the chair. He was making every effort not to show the blanket that kept his thin legs warm, and trying to keep the way he leaned on the table as casual more than necessary. Kate saw through the facade. He'd pushed her away, again, for the night. This time she hadn't argued. A handful of Burdetts had made themselves at home at his table, she wasn't needed for the time being. A relief. "Mr Izem!" Hazel's voice grabbed her attention through the room, and Kate paused in her wandering to watch her daughter's face light up as she saw her teacher among the crowd. The move to Tally had been so good for her. She was bright and confident and... barefoot. With lopsided pigtails and an inside-out cardigan on. Kate really didn't know how she'd managed to raise such a chaotic child. But... she needed to get those shoes on. Kate wove her way through the crowd, nodding to Boaz as she approached. There was no hint of awkwardness behind it, though she remembered every detail of her visit. She saw no reason to feel ashamed, she had told no lie. Maybe it would have been more strange if he'd obliged her, and then Matt had woken---but even that Kate could resolve with herself. She liked Boaz, found him intriguing and enjoyed being around him. Whatever happened, Kate didn't see herself forming the same level of connection with Boaz that she did with Matt, and that was the difference. That was what made Boaz no true threat to her marriage, and what kept her comfortable in her cheeky admiration of... well. Everything that he was. Although Matt didn't feel like her husband now in the way he had before the accident. That was a problem she was trying to bury with time and hope it righted itself. It would, surely, as he became more himself. Stronger. Less touchy. "Nice to see you here, Boaz," she said lightly, prying Hazel's cardigan off her shoulders and turning it back in the right way. Hazel rolled her eyes as if Kate was the weird one. "You need to go and get your shoes, H. There's no way tonight doesn't end up with broken glass on the floor. Go. Now." Hazel sighed, rolled her eyes again, and obediently skipped off toward the stairs. "She doesn't do that at school, does she? Abandon her shoes?" Kate asked, one amused eyebrow raised.
  11. How is it almost term three already?

  12. Give an answer, ask a question!

    Just do it. However feels best. There's nothing worse than being left without anything that could possibly have been a goodbye, no.. extra-tight hug, or hand squeeze. It doesn't have to be so obvious, but it does have to exist. Something that feels like a goodbye, even if you can't call it one. Speaking of which. How do you say "hello" to someone you've not seen in years? How do you get back to the way things were before you were separated?
  13. Hazel finally got to hug her father and have them both remember it. Small things, but very important things.

    1. Boaz Izem

      Boaz Izem

      What good news! 

  14. Little Machinations

    Kate flopped down onto a chair with a long sigh. "Yes, yes," she said. "You're probably quite right." It had all sounded like a very good idea to Kate, who tended to get tunnel vision when she wanted something. She got caught up and carried away, it had been so long since she'd felt anything remotely like physical attraction it had been such a thrill to feel like she might get that part of her life back. Logic and reality, and Boaz's better judgement, took away the last shreds of that wonderful fantasy, and... Kate very suddenly felt empty again. Her shoulders fell, and she tried to stay upright while her body felt like it was collapsing into the aching void that had reappeared in her chest. What if this was her life from now on? Long stretches of feeling nothing, punctuated by bright and then soul-crushing moments of hope and disappointment. Kate didn't attach to people, or trust them easily. She needed that before she could feel attracted to them. She needed to know they would be there, needed to feel secure. Independent as she wanted people to think she was, she didn't let go easily. She couldn't. The hole that people created when they left her life was too unbearable. "I hurt people. And I make them want to go away," the smile on her face was sad, distant. "My sister said that, right before she went. I wonder sometimes if it was a curse she put on me, or just some dying wish magic, or... I don't know. I'm exactly what she saw? And maybe I don't deserve more than I have, because... I haven't been a good sort of person." Kate knew it. She hated herself for it. Sometimes she wondered if Matt's coma was less an unfortunate accident, and more karmic revenge. "What if Hazel realises?" her voice shook suddenly. It was a thought that had always been there, but Kate never dared voice it. "Sooner or later, I'm going to drive her away too, and I don't..." Kate didn't know how to do this any more. Her sadness was dragging Hazel down, was it going to push her away too? How did she stop that from happening? The ache wasn't going away any time soon, and the way that brief hope had crumbled made it clear enough that there was no bright future just there on the horizon. Kate felt she needed to get better for Hazel's sake, to be real again before her daughter grew up without the mother she deserved. "I don't know how to fix me so that she won't get hurt."
  15. Little Machinations

    Kate listened, a bemused smile on her face. More wine for the wine gods, she poured herself another drink. Her tolerance was so much higher these days, too many nights alone while Hazel was up at the school. She let out a soft sigh, and the look she gave him was (for once) a pure reflection of how she felt. Relaxed, not at all worried about any potential consequences, and with a fondness for Boaz and his adorable little concerns. "Alan is a good friend, yes," she acknowledged. "More a constant pain in my arse, but it is what it is---we have a lot of history. You know that, surely? He wanted to marry me at one point, but... it'd only been a few years since we lost Calinda. Daddy would not have survived the heartbreak of losing me too. Even if that would have been his own choice, I couldn't do it to him," Kate frowned, rolling her eyes at her own past stupidity. "We do such dumb things for the people we think we should love." Kate's relationship with her parents was a rough one. She still spoke to, and took care of them---dutiful daughter that she was, but neither her mother nor father had met Hazel. They had not been invited to her wedding. Kate had been her Daddy's girl, his perfect princess, until the moment it all came crashing down. After Calinda, the curtains had been pulled back and Kate didn't like the family she found herself in. Nothing had been the same after that. "But, you know. We got over it. And the seven thousand times it started and ended, we always come back to where we are. Because I trust him, and... at the end of the day, we're friends. Always have been, always will be." and he would always be a pain in her arse, and she would bite back the same way. That's just who they were. Like family. Better family than she'd been born with, that was for sure. "I don't really have much to offer you, Boaz," Kate admitted with a sigh. "You deserve so much more than I can give. A family, for one. Your own children. Less... complications. All I've got is mountains of baggage wrapped in a body too damaged to carry another baby. I was lucky to get Hazel. There's always the minute possibility of Matthew waking up, and then what? What happens then? What if he wakes up and we don't fit together anymore? Or I've moved on to someone else, and suddenly I need to choose?" Kate closed her eyes, exhaling as if she could breathe out the demons and confused thoughts that plagued her. "But going to a bar and picking an opportunity at random was never my style, either. There's no soul in it. No real connection. I miss that more than anything. Trusting someone enough to share your whole self with them, to... let them see you at your most vulnerable. Know that when the world crashes on you in the dark of the night, they're there to hold you down." her smile now was sad, reflective. "Ultimately, once I trust someone like that... I don't let them go. It's a bond for life, no matter what happens. It's why Alan and I always go back to where we are. Why my first husband is still a part of my life. It's not the kind of love they write movies about, but... it's very close," Kate was picky about partners. She was picky about everything. It took a lot for her to let go, to really let go. "I feel like I can trust you like that. And I want to. I don't know what comes next, or how it all works out, but..." Kate pushed herself to stand properly, stepping over to stand in front of Boaz, her wine glass held in front of her, grasped like a security blanket. "I do know that I'd like to be closer to you. Is that... okay?"